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[swordhardy]

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Comments

[pushpin]

thats not commitment dude thats slavery

oh my god
fine do that ill be there at 8

[maybe]

[probably]

[swordhardy]

Swearing yourself to someone else? I don't know, I think there's a difference. Either way, it's not like that now

You don't want me to pick you up?

( lateness is unacceptable tbh )

[pushpin]

no but swearin ur whole family to em too ? that aint a choice
good

why would u work out then pick me up then meditate thats dumb
what, dont believe me ?

[swordhardy]

No. I made the promise, too, when I was old enough. So did my brothers

I don't really see a problem with it, but fine. I'll wait for you

[pushpin]

huh ? oh
like an oath ?

thats just bcoz ur antsy
ok

[swordhardy]

Just like that

Antsy... you think? Maybe I should pick up a hobby

[pushpin]

did u just take it bcoz u were supposed to ?
ur a loyal guy, but.....

no i dont think u think too
ur like a puppy when it gets asked if it wants to grow for a car ride
hell i think that & ur calm w/ me

[swordhardy]

It doesn't feel bad, having a purpose. A reason. Someone to be loyal to. But... I can't say that it wasn't also expected of me.

Huh...
Wait, does that mean you watch me with other people?

[pushpin]

i know
but who really knows what or who they want when theyre young

what ? that
that aint what i meant

[swordhardy]

Yeah. Or what you want can change, with your experiences

But you said... ah, it's fine. I do get excited about swords, that's true.

[pushpin]

mm
or u can get the courage to actually go after it

i know what i said
here we go again

[swordhardy]

Or that

What? Swords? I know you won't ask me about swords, for some reason

[pushpin]

..... did it for u ?
change
from before

theres a lot i wont ask u about for some reason

[swordhardy]

It did

Sure but I actually care about the swords. Why don't you ask? Not about the swords, I mean. Whatever other things. Didn't I say you could?

[pushpin]

for the better ?

[... not an easy question to answer]

[it's a lesson he has yet to learn (or maybe unlearn) and he knows it, but he still isn't eager to push himself down that sort of path to change]

usually figure itll do the opposite a what i intended

[swordhardy]

That's a hard one. In the end, I guess... yeah

Asking?

[pushpin]

thats good
neither answer would really change anything though

yea
or the answers

[swordhardy]

It wouldn't. What about you? Things change?

Gotcha. That's fine, then

[pushpin]

just things in general or like what i want ?

im not good w/ words or understandin people so i usually get it wrong
& i dont want that
so til i figure some things out on my own theres just some stuff i cant ask

[swordhardy]

Both

I understand that. If it ever gets to be too much, just know you don't have to do that alone

[pushpin]

yea things changed
as for what i want..... no
& i dont think it ever will
but im startin to think maybe i can have more than 1 without the 1st gettin threatened

huh ? but thats...
it aint somethin anybody else can help w/

[swordhardy]

Can I ask what that is? What hasn't changed

I didn't say help

[pushpin]

yea
i just wanna do right by my ma
take care a her & make sure she aint wantin for nothin

i dont get it

[swordhardy]

And you're not looking to go home?

Saying what you're thinking, even if you're not looking for an answer. That's what I mean — it's okay to mess up. I'm .... probably not explaining this right? Because you don't have to say anything either, if you just wanted to sit in silence together while you figure it out... that would be fine too

[pushpin]

im sendin her money
dont try to talk me outta it, u wouldnt be the 1st

yea i know
& i like it sometimes
usually
but i wanna know the people i consider important to me more than that too
to have the courage to say things about myself & their confidence in knowin they can do the same
u know ?