IC INBOX

[swordhardy]

↘ CALLS
↘ TEXTS
↘ MESSAGES

Comments

[swordhardy]

Just like that

Antsy... you think? Maybe I should pick up a hobby

[pushpin]

did u just take it bcoz u were supposed to ?
ur a loyal guy, but.....

no i dont think u think too
ur like a puppy when it gets asked if it wants to grow for a car ride
hell i think that & ur calm w/ me

[swordhardy]

It doesn't feel bad, having a purpose. A reason. Someone to be loyal to. But... I can't say that it wasn't also expected of me.

Huh...
Wait, does that mean you watch me with other people?

[pushpin]

i know
but who really knows what or who they want when theyre young

what ? that
that aint what i meant

[swordhardy]

Yeah. Or what you want can change, with your experiences

But you said... ah, it's fine. I do get excited about swords, that's true.

[pushpin]

mm
or u can get the courage to actually go after it

i know what i said
here we go again

[swordhardy]

Or that

What? Swords? I know you won't ask me about swords, for some reason

[pushpin]

..... did it for u ?
change
from before

theres a lot i wont ask u about for some reason

[swordhardy]

It did

Sure but I actually care about the swords. Why don't you ask? Not about the swords, I mean. Whatever other things. Didn't I say you could?

[pushpin]

for the better ?

[... not an easy question to answer]

[it's a lesson he has yet to learn (or maybe unlearn) and he knows it, but he still isn't eager to push himself down that sort of path to change]

usually figure itll do the opposite a what i intended

[swordhardy]

That's a hard one. In the end, I guess... yeah

Asking?

[pushpin]

thats good
neither answer would really change anything though

yea
or the answers

[swordhardy]

It wouldn't. What about you? Things change?

Gotcha. That's fine, then

[pushpin]

just things in general or like what i want ?

im not good w/ words or understandin people so i usually get it wrong
& i dont want that
so til i figure some things out on my own theres just some stuff i cant ask

[swordhardy]

Both

I understand that. If it ever gets to be too much, just know you don't have to do that alone

[pushpin]

yea things changed
as for what i want..... no
& i dont think it ever will
but im startin to think maybe i can have more than 1 without the 1st gettin threatened

huh ? but thats...
it aint somethin anybody else can help w/

[swordhardy]

Can I ask what that is? What hasn't changed

I didn't say help

[pushpin]

yea
i just wanna do right by my ma
take care a her & make sure she aint wantin for nothin

i dont get it

[swordhardy]

And you're not looking to go home?

Saying what you're thinking, even if you're not looking for an answer. That's what I mean — it's okay to mess up. I'm .... probably not explaining this right? Because you don't have to say anything either, if you just wanted to sit in silence together while you figure it out... that would be fine too

[pushpin]

im sendin her money
dont try to talk me outta it, u wouldnt be the 1st

yea i know
& i like it sometimes
usually
but i wanna know the people i consider important to me more than that too
to have the courage to say things about myself & their confidence in knowin they can do the same
u know ?

[swordhardy]

Why would I try to talk you out of it? It's your choice

So that's how it is. Yeah, I understand. And I respect you for it

[pushpin]

i dunno people just do & it pisses me off
guess i shoulda figured ud be different

yea ?
here i thought ud be disappointed

[swordhardy]

What you do is your business. I can't say I'm not curious as to why, though. You miss her, don't you?

" a lil
but theres plenty u dont talk about
even as simple as u are
& thats fine "

[pushpin]

all the time
we need the money

.....u really gotta stop quoting me at myself, its embarrassing

[swordhardy]

It's harder to make back there?

Nah