swordhardy | NOCT OVERFLOW

[ when rokurou settles against his shoulder, six simply lets him, allowing him to lean against the erune without all the fuss. their proximity doesn't stop him from sneaking another kiss, planting it on the first thing he can reach, right on top of inky black hair. this is the part that six always struggles with the most, because finding the right words to say will always be difficult for him.

he always feels as though he doesn't have the right to say anything at all when he's not even sure he would have done the same thing, but... somehow rokurou finds a way to give him an opening.

he snorts softly, resisting the urge to elbow the guy. ]

Are you? I would say you're about the same.

[ the look on his face is so serious that it's probably hard to tell he's joking.

he wonders if this is the right approach, if he should try to say some words of encouragement, but maybe it's enough that he's here to stay. he trusts the other man to be fully committed to his choices, regardless of whether or not they're the wrong ones. just as he said, he doesn't like rokurou any less than he did before he learned about everything. if anything, he feels much closer to rokurou now that he knows, as though the last remaining walls between them have been knocked over. ]

... But as long as you don't regret anything, then that's more than enough for me. If you had made different choices, we wouldn't have met in the end, and I already know what it's like to move on without you.

[ it's not something he succeeded at, nor is he eager to go through that again. ]

[ For a second the daemon looks surprised—and then he laughs. A genuine belly laugh, one that ushers out the somber touch to his mood as swiftly as it came. ]

Aah, maybe I really am the same. [ the next exhale takes the weight that had settled on his chest with it, ] But that's what I think, too. There's so much that could be different and I wouldn't want to change it, so I'll leave the past where it is.

[ Drawing up, he catches Six's chin and drawns in to press their mouths together in a firm kiss. He doesn't try to make it dirty—it's affection, but it's a different kind from the sort that drives lust. Softer, gentler, something easily conveyed in a simple meeting of lips. When it reaches its natural end the daemon doesn't stray too far away, letting their lips brush as he speaks. ]

That's not even going into all of the torture, killing, arson, and theft that went into getting revenge once I broke out of prison. Buuuuut I'll save those stories for another day.

[ Cheerfully said, as though he hasn't just admitted to even more crimes that are, in theory, worse than lying about a coup. Only a monster could tell their lover something like that with a smile, ahh? ]

As for this blight ... I think I'm handsome even with it.

[ the laughter completely disarms him, ruining the somber mood he'd been in before. it does draw him in just as easily, but he's grown used to how rokurou does this so effortlessly around him, dragging him along for whatever he's in the mood for. a smile blooms across his lips, genuine and strong enough to stay even as he's pulled in for a kiss.

he returns the kiss with just as much affection, not wanting to hold back anymore despite his inherent shyness. he'd like to think he's getting better at it at least... ]

Only you would admit to committing those crimes as though they were mundane tasks.

[ another soft snort, followed quickly by a sigh.

he wouldn't have this incorrigible daemon any other way — dumb arrogance and all. ]

You know... if you didn't have the blight, I likely wouldn't have even looked at you twice.

Really?

[ The daemon swipes his index finger and thumb beneath the jut of his bottom lip, giving Six a playfully scrutinizing look-over. Memory of their first meeting bubbles—how there had been mutual studying. His eyes had been drawn to the mask the erune had worn, a startlingly close mimicry to the blight that mottles half his face, right down to the red hue of eye. Between that strange commonality, as tenuous as it was, and the fact that Six had managed to dispatch a handful of thugs with ease? Stalking him for a fight had been no question.

It's intriguing to learn that their initial attraction point had been the same. Even so, his mouth cocks in easy jest. ]

So that was your taste even before you met me, huh ... interesting. Now I really can't regret any of it. [ as if this is the face of a man who even contemplated having regrets, ] I think I was pretty handsome before ... but I like who I am now. This mark ending up as a charm point is an unexpected bonus.

[ Leaning back onto his palms, the smile eases as his eyes fall toward the window. Looking at it and the light that fades through but not really seeing it. ]

It was always complicated between him and I. Even now, he's never far from my thoughts.

[ every touch rokurou makes is capable of setting his skin alight, leading to his eyes fluttering shut. it's true that it's the blight that lured him in, that made him curious about who this daemon truly is, but it's rokurou's constant presence that made him stay. this is something he remembers promising rokurou when he caught them standing by his lonesome on the bridge, and one that he intends to keep for as long as he's alive. ]

Your ego is truly fascinating sometimes.

[ a throwaway comment that doesn't really need a follow up. his eyes flicker open once more as he follows rokurou's gaze towards the window. he has no idea if there's anything in particular that the daemon is looking at, but it doesn't really matter, he supposes. ]

... Do you miss him?

[ it sounds like rokurou does. ]

Miss him?

[ Words parroted back, only when the daemon says it, they're almost incredulous. Almost—because there's a hint of uncertainty in there as well. It feels like such a foreign concept—one he hadn't even considered naming the strange static in his chest whenever he thinks of his brother.

It's that which keeps him from answering no out of pure contrary instinct. Miss him... it's difficult to say. He fought for so long to kill him, and it had been the best damn fight he ever had in the end. The listlessness that's replaced that old fire to best Shigure has never quite gone away, even after a friend consoled him with the thought that someday, someone else might come to kill him as he once strove to kill Shigure.

There are thoughts he has, sometimes. In the quiet of night when he's alone, when he tastes something sweet that isn't quite to his own taste, when he sees a white cat strolling by. ]

... I don't know. [ he admits that slowly, uneasy with the prospect that he isn't actually completely fine with Shigure being gone. ] Am I even allowed to? I'm the one that killed him.

[ —as he said, complicated. ]

Of course you're allowed to. He's your brother.

[ this is something that has always haunted six long after the massacre of his clan by his own doing. it didn't matter how much they hated him in the end; he always mourned for the lives he stole that day, always missed his own father despite the man being directly responsible for what had transpired. it's difficult to explain why he does, only that he does and that's all that really matters. ]

Blood will always be thicker, after all.

[ or so the saying goes... ]

Regardless, I don't think it's a bad thing, but I understand now why you called your relationship towards him as... complicated.

[ Six's easy acceptance is a relief—something the daemon only realizes after most of it is out. There are details he's omitted, ones he might never tell, too shameful too dark too humiliating too vulnerable ... but what he's done now is a steady step forward. Acknowledging facets of his past he hadn't before, accepting accountability, small things he wouldn't have done a few years ago.

He would have survived if the erune had hated him for being the villain of his own backstory, but it would have been ... disappointing. Once he's decided on wanting something, Rokurou always finds it so difficult to let it go.

Even if the obscuring shroud over missing his brother had been a peaceful one. Not putting the feeling together with a proper name had almost been kinder. ]

I guess with the way things are, he could show up here. Unlikely ... but not impossible. I've heard stories of the dead walking. [ he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. ] I'm not sure what I'd say to him if he did.

[ six recognizes the look in rokurou's eyes — a faraway expression that glazes over those golden hues. he waits for the daemon to finish talking before he guides him to look back, lavender eyes meeting gold once more. his own expression softens as he leans in for another kiss, but this one is just as soft as the first one, maybe a little bit more reassuring.

when he pulls away, he rests their heads together and barely moves an inch. ]

If he comes here, I'm sure you'll find the words to say. And I'm here to support you if you need it.

[ it took him the longest time to figure out how to express his feelings towards nehan, so he understands the predicament. he doesn't know if he'll be the best one to offer help, but he gives it nonetheless, and it's up to rokurou to decide whether or not he'll take it. ]

Hah. You're really cute, you know?

[ Arms stretching with a groan, he drops them forward in greedy hook around Six's waist to drag him innnnnn. Once he's close enough, the daemon flips them over in bed, dragging the erune beneath him with the billowing puff of sheets. Gathering them to spin and swaddle Six inside, until only his face is peeking out from the cocoon.

A face he gives a big smooch. ]

Even cuter like this.

[ it's rare that six is caught off guard by a sneaky move like this, but rokurou manages to pull a fast one on him, so before he knows it, the smooch is stolen and he is surrounded by sheets. ]

Wha—?!

[ excuse him while he tries to struggle, but it is hopeless. he is now a cocoon under rokurou's mercy. ]

What did you do that for...?

[ nevermind calling him cute, because no. ]

I don't know. You were being cute, so I couldn't help myself.

[ Smile crooking his lips, the daemon gazes down with eyebrows slightly pressed in and mismatched eyes lidded. An expression both affectionate and incredulous; he doesn't know how they've managed to get to this point, or how he could have been lucky enough to somehow earn the erune's loyalty, but... it doesn't feel bad. It doesn't feel bad at all. ]

Hey. [ a scarred palm rests against Six's cheek, ] Thank you. For being my friend, and for being ... you.

[ He might not fully understand how he feels about Six outside of wanting him to stay, but he does understand that they share an intimacy not easily found. He's only felt this way about one other person outside of his family—and what he feels toward his family hardly counts, too muddled with troubled complexities.

Around Six, opening up a little about some of his (many) flaws isn't so hard. Support isn't something he's ever needed, but strangely enough, those words solidify something inside of himself—another step toward overcoming them. ]

[ everything was going well— at least, that's how six felt. rokurou opened up to him by sharing a piece of himself that the erune never knew about before, and just for that, he feels so much closer to the daemon than he did a while ago. he would have been satisfied to leave things as they are, especially now that he's swaddled in between sheets and rokurou's arms, but then... ]

Friend?

[ when six looks up at him again, the lavender hues of his eyes hold a mixture of emotions: confusion, uncertainty, and a tiny sliver of heartache. has he misunderstood what they're supposed to be all this time? and while he knows he can't fault rokurou for it, because neither of them have bothered to put a name to how they feel towards each other, but this isn't exactly what he... expected. ]

Are we... just friends?

[ his mind thinks back to when rokurou asked him to leave a scar in the shape of his name. was that just supposed to be a sign of their friendship and nothing more—? ]

Huh?

[ If he expected anything, it isn't the way Six looks at him with reproach. Confused, Rokurou sits back, cocking his head with a startled blink. Less so at the question itself than the look in the erune's eye; it unsettles him and pauses his words, leaving him to mull on them for a moment longer than he normally might. ]

I ... [ reaching up, the daemon rubs his palm against the side of his neck, ] What? Do you think I hold hands with and kiss my friends? It's—more than that. But we are also friends, aren't we?

[ Though he's slowly realizing that they haven't established what the more than that even is. Partly because he hasn't wanted to, liking what they have without needing to pin it down. Ask him about swords and knives and battle strategy and he can talk from twelve different angles—this? He's more out of his depth than when he started confessing sins. ]

What do... what do you think we are?

[ Since he doesn't even know where to start, it's easier to toss it back on Six. ]

[ with the question thrown back at him, six has no idea what to say in response to it. it's something he's never put any serious thought into because neither he nor rokurou ever brought it up, content to let things be given that they're both happy with how things are. of course, that leads to issues such as the one they're facing right now.

where neither of them have any idea how to deal with this. ]

If you put it that way, then yes— we're friends.

[ but we're more than that too, aren't we? or so he would have said out loud, if he wasn't an idiot. ]

I thought we're something more...

[ he keeps drifting back to the scar he'd carved out on rokurou's blight, the one where he knows exactly where it is because that's where he's looking at right now. even if it's hidden underneath the daemon's clothes, he knows it's right there. permanent. ]

Eternal.

[ his face turns beet red when he realizes what he just said out loud, head shaking soon after. ]

... Forget I said anything.

Don't say that.

[ Always so quick to brush things under the rug. On instinct, he rubs over that spot straddling his blight that's barely hidden by t-shirt. The mark Six left on him—a still-healing scar, the very definition of eternal. Scars fade, but never really go away. The skin's never the same again. ]

Eternal ...

[ Rokurou mulls on the word, rolling it over his tongue like a new sake. Another thing that feels foreign despite knowing the meaning well—a resonant feeling that tightens in his chest. Which is why his fingers curl, tightening into a fist over that hidden mark. ]

I guess we do feel the same way. [ even if he doesn't know what to call it, ] I've always thought that you're someone that I want to keep. Everything is ephemeral, I've known that since I was young—but I don't want you to be.

[ He sighs, turning his eyes back onto Six. ]

That means something more, doesn't it? I don't have a name for it, but ... I'm not good at this.

And you think I am?

[ despite what he says, the expression on his face softens. it's not like he has any experience in this department, given how rare it is for him to form strong attachments. years of believing you weren't wanted can do damage to one's own self-worth, it's why his is fractured into several pieces, but after everything that went down with nehan, he's beginning to learn how to put it all back together.

it's a work-in-progress, just like his whole being is, but that doesn't mean he knows what he's doing. quite the opposite, really. ]

You're... you're the only one who has ever made me feel this way, so I have no idea what to call this.

[ if he were to give a name to how he felt, he wouldn't be able to pinpoint the correct one — only that he feels the same as rokurou, that the daemon is someone he'd like to keep. forever, if he's allowed to. ]

I simply know that it's important.

[ something he'd never want to lose. ]

[ The daemon's mouth twitches at the volley; they're really a couple of idiots when it comes to this, ahh? But they know enough to at least realize that it's important, a word that Rokurou nods his agreement to. ]

I feel the same. It's important—you're important.

[ An importance he's felt before but still finds confusion in. The desire to protect, the want to keep. Respecting Six's opinion, seeking his advice, wanting his company even if it's to sit in silence and do nothing. Pinning the erune down and asking him to move in had just been another means of keeping him close, selfishly wanting to know where he is and what he's doing.

The fact that he has felt something like this for someone else should make it easier to name but Rokurou's never been the quickest dog in the pack. Hesitation comes, too, just from knowing that normal is impossible. Because of where they are, because of what he is. Even other attachments, ones that he's selfish enough to not want to give up. ]

I don't know what to call it, but it's not just friendship. [ with a sigh, he reaches out to rest his hand over the erune's forehead, ] But I don't know if I have the answer tonight... is that okay?

Edited 2021-07-15 02:16 (UTC)

[ lavender eyes flutter shut when the daemon's calloused hand rests over the erune's forehead, remaining that way for the next little while as he contemplates what to say next. it's not the answer he was looking for, but at the same time, it's not like he has any idea what he actually wants to hear. so maybe it's fine if rokurou doesn't know right now, because he won't have a response ready for him either.

at least it looks like this is something they'll have to figure out together. ]

Mm... it's alright. It's not as though I plan on going anywhere, so as long as I can stay by your side...

[ that's more than enough for him.

falling silent, he turns his head to feel more of rokurou's touch, and he stays like that for a while until he guides the daemon's hand closer to his lips, to where he can press soft kisses against his palm. it's a gentle gesture, but it's one he hopes that can convey how he's feeling without saying much more. ]

[ Quieting, the demon nods, tracing the pad of his thumb along Six's bottom lip. As long as I can stay by your side. A sentiment that resonates with him—a daemon like Rokurou has no place to really belong, has no right to ask anything of anyone, and wouldn't even if he did. Too restless, too eager to fight and search for his own demise at the end of a stronger swordsman's blade, to much a wanderer without the rooting of his clan.

Yet the desire to stay around Six is strong. That he knows, that he understands, and he knows that, for him, it's noteworthy. ]

Yeah. [ as kisses tickle against his palm, Rokurou leans over, falling into the bed beside Six to bring them eye to eye. ] Like this.

[ The daemon smiles. It's a likewise gentle gentle that softens all the lines of his face into open affection—a feeling he allows to echo across Synchrony, stronger than most of his other emotions. ]

Hah... y'know, you didn't even like me at first. I had to chase you.

[ Chase feels like putting it lightly, considering all the legwork he really put in there ... Six had been adamant about keeping his distance for a while. ]

[ the open spark of honest affection coming from rokurou is almost overwhelming. synchrony adds a complex layer to a relationship that was already complicated enough. the red flush on his cheeks deepens a few more shades once they're eye to eye, because like this, there's no place for him to hide.

rokurou knows how to read him like an open book, but now synchrony makes it all the more obvious. ]

It wasn't like that at all. I...

[ back then, he didn't think he was worthy of anyone's time. someone so corrupted and dangerous doesn't deserve anyone's kindness, let alone someone who was so insistent on making sure he was never alone. he searches for the daemon's hand, intertwining their fingers together just for that constant form of contact. his heart feels so full that it almost seems like he'll burst at any moment.

(this is happiness, he thinks, a strange and unfamiliar emotion, given how rarely he allows himself to experience it.) ]

I don't know what you saw in me back then. It's not like... I'm anyone special.

It wasn't?

[ The daemon laughs as their hands meet with palm to palm and scar to scar. His gentle smile lingers as the erune articulates on; Rokurou gives their clasped fingers a reassuring squeeze on that detrimental last note. ]

Hmm ... isn't that up to someone else? [ namely: me. ] I think deciding you're special for yourself would make you a narcissist.

[ Head tilting, Rokurou makes himself comfortable beside the other man before taking the time to study his face. Mismatched eyes drag slow over reddened cheeks and beauty mark, flicking down to pretty cupid's bow and stubborn chin before he meets Six's eyes again.

I don't know what you saw in me back then.

Perfect form, powerful silhouette. A glint of silvery hair in lowlight. Strength, quick and fluid. And then all of that snapped with a single word. Fragility despite steel. Humanity cupped in monstrous hands.

What had he seen back then?

A beautiful contradiction. ]

I saw something I liked. [ he hums again, eyebrow hooking, ] So you did like me? I'm surprised.

[ i saw something i liked.

rokurou says that so easily, all without batting an eye. six wonders if he'll ever have the daemon's courage (and audacity) because he doesn't think he can ever reach the same level he's at. not that it matters, considering the daemon doesn't ask much of him, already pleased with just having all of six's attention and love when it's just the two of them.

the erune squeezes their linked hands in return, bring them closer so he can plant kisses everywhere, but mostly all over rokurou's knuckles. this is embarrassing for him to admit so he'd rather keep himself distracted somehow. ]

You caught my attention, if that counts. And you never let me forget that you existed.

[ persistence is simply one way to call it. (downright obsession is probably much closer.) ]

I don't really know when it was that I finally realized the feelings I had were much stronger than simple curiousity. Perhaps when I found you that one night, standing on the bridge...

[ he doesn't have to elaborate, right? rokurou knows exactly what instance he's talking about. it's the closest they ever got to admitting they want to remain by each other's side without a solid commitment, but it's vivid memory nonetheless, because rokurou allowed him to see the side of him that was exposed and vulnerable. ]

... Ah, yes. I remember that night.

[ One of his moments of reflection. Regret is a phantom that Rokurou refuses to accept, but often finds himself looking back at the past. At his choices. Where they lead. Moments where he could have done something differently, what he had missed and what it might have meant if he hadn't. To regret would make moving forward too difficult, and so he simply chooses not to—his choices are what they are, and he wouldn't change them. That doesn't stop him from, on a crisp night where the stars are clear in the sky, glancing back over his shoulder.

Running into Six that night had been unintentional. Reflection and isolation come hand in hand, and being found in that moment had struck something beneath his breast—a different chord that drew a different, seldom played note.

A breath heaves slow as Rokurou presses close, draping himself across Six. They've been together so many times that it's easy to lock in place, limb fitting into groove, coiling, bending, like lock and key. ]

When I first arrived here, I kept looking for you. I couldn't help it. [ smiling against Six's shoulder, ] You were never far from my thoughts.

[ And if Six hadn't arrived, he would be another facet of that quiet reflection on those clear, starry nights. ]

[ at this point, it feels like the two of them are two pieces in the same puzzle. their bodies fit into place as though they weren't meant for anyone else. six wraps his arms around rokurou and keeps him close, fingers carding through inky black hair in soothing motions. he can't tell if he's trying to make rokurou feel better or if it's the other way around. ]

... You kept looking for me?

[ somehow it makes his heart ache to find out that rokurou did the same as he did. once he woke up back home, that was the very first thing he did; he looked for the daemon as if there was a chance he would have wound up at the same place. it hurt more and more as the days went by, as the realization sunk in that it was impossible to begin with.

if he holds the other man tighter, it's because he doesn't want to lose him again. ]

I'm sorry I made you wait too long.

[ he plants a kiss on the top of rokurou's head, sealing the promise that he's here to stay for as long as he can. ]

NOCT OVERFLOW

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