( he'd been thinking something like friends, even with Guanshan's high standards. so not quite there yet? or not like that at all? but it'd just been a thought he had after the teen's question provoked his own thoughts. )
You say that like it isn't enough. If that's what you're thinking -- important's good for me.
( feels nice, actually, even if he knows it's a mistake. )
[never friends -- not with Rokurou's goal, not with knowing he's eventually going to leave, no matter what happens, no matter how he feels or what he says]
it isnt ur just a person whos happy w/ what he gets let me take advantage a that a little while longer, awright ?
( that's almost funny to him. when he'd never been happy with what he had, working to be better, stronger, overcome self-inflicted obstacles. it's never been enough. and now, he's not even worth as much. happy... satisfied. has he ever been, really? )
From you, I guess that's true.
You can take advantage as long as you still want to. I don't mind.
uh hm i guess bcoz if i feel.... useful somehow, im not second guessin myself all the time & if there were things i knew u wanted from me really clearly then i could focus on doin them insteada tryna think up what it might be
that was what i liked about sebs i understood how we fit & what he wanted outta me
I know I want to spend time with you. I want to see you even if we're sitting in silence or not even paying attention to each other. Know I want you to fall asleep with me over anyone else, and I know I want you to touch my face more than anyone else. I want to hear about what you've been doing even if it's nothing. I want to know what you're thinking when you get that look on your face.
But, you're right. Not much matters to someone like me.
u can be or maybe..... we are i think about that a lot more than i should
[a string of words that makes his chest ache with longing, swelling and tearing along the edges, paving a wet path for the creep of sorrow at the last line to web in him]
[does that mean those words mean more because of it? or is it all just negligible and calculated sacrifice in the end?] then what am i to u
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You're right. Time's precious -- guess I let my guard down too much here.
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or ur sexual conquests
probly
just make sure i can still reach u if u put it back up
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Armor's always has weak points.
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....im one ?
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What, a weakness?
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u know what dont
dont answer that
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Why? You must want to know if you asked.
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theres a difference between listenin to ur goal &..... somethin like that
no i realized how dumb it sounds
its fine
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Can I ask you something then?
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i understand more these days
a course
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What am I to you?
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[it's not as though he hasn't thought about it, how to describe what they are: friends, lovers, neither, less, more]
[only one word in his vocabulary has come close, felt even remotely comfortable, and it's so vague and imprecise]
important
thats all i got right now
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You say that like it isn't enough. If that's what you're thinking -- important's good for me.
( feels nice, actually, even if he knows it's a mistake. )
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it isnt
ur just a person whos happy w/ what he gets
let me take advantage a that a little while longer, awright ?
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( that's almost funny to him. when he'd never been happy with what he had, working to be better, stronger, overcome self-inflicted obstacles. it's never been enough. and now, he's not even worth as much. happy... satisfied. has he ever been, really? )
From you, I guess that's true.
You can take advantage as long as you still want to. I don't mind.
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i mean
u dont ask for much
[mostly just acceptance, a good time, sometimes a willing ear]
i wish u would sometimes
itd make this easier on me
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hm
i guess bcoz if i feel.... useful somehow, im not second guessin myself all the time
& if there were things i knew u wanted from me really clearly then i could focus on doin them
insteada tryna think up what it might be
that was what i liked about sebs
i understood how we fit & what he wanted outta me
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... Well, it's not like I don't understand. So you want to know what I want from you? I can do that. I didn't know that was what you wanted.
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do u even know ?
nothing much matters to u except whats.... u know, immediate
present
& gettin back home
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I know I want to spend time with you. I want to see you even if we're sitting in silence or not even paying attention to each other. Know I want you to fall asleep with me over anyone else, and I know I want you to touch my face more than anyone else. I want to hear about what you've been doing even if it's nothing. I want to know what you're thinking when you get that look on your face.
But, you're right. Not much matters to someone like me.
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or maybe..... we are
i think about that a lot
more than i should
[a string of words that makes his chest ache with longing, swelling and tearing along the edges, paving a wet path for the creep of sorrow at the last line to web in him]
[does that mean those words mean more because of it? or is it all just negligible and calculated sacrifice in the end?]
then
what am i to u
[that's fair, right?]
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You're one of the people I care for most.
( Hasebe was one of those, too, but it's always in a different way. )
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me too
is that enough ?
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