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[swordhardy]

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[swordhardy]

Yeah. Have you ever tried to sleep when you weren't tired at all though? That's how it feels most of the time

I can close my eyes and doze for a while, that's not so bad. But sometimes there's no way

[pushpin]

is that why u like to fight
to get tired ?

[look, he]

[finally asked.]

[swordhardy]

( another mistake.... )

Ohhh?

Maybe a little. There's nothing quite like the exhaustion that sets into the bones after a good fight, how your muscles burn and how alive you feel

The way everything hurts all at once

But it's sharp, feels good

The feeling of your pulse slowing against the rush of blood in your veins, bruises setting in, feeling it all come on when you're winding down

It's pretty great, and yeah, I guess that's when I can usually sleep pretty well

But there're a lot of other reasons why I like fighting too

[pushpin]

[these he knows]

[has felt them himself, whether win or loss, whether the violence was because he had nothing else to do with explosive anger or just because he had nothing better to do]

[it makes him curious about the ones he doesn't]

like what

[swordhardy]

You seriously want to know?

And you won't call me a meathead?

[pushpin]

might still call u a meathead
but yea i wanna know

[swordhardy]

Good. Call me whatever you want

Anyway

It's not deep. I like fighting because it's fun. Facing someone down, challenging my skills against theirs, trying to hit my mark. If I'm not good enough I lose. If I'm better, I win. Fighting's honest like that

I like a challenge. I like winning. I like hurting and being hurt. Even when I was human it was like this

There're other reasons why I fight, but that's mostly why I like it

[pushpin]

was that some kinda test.....

yea
even i can understand those parts of it
i guess i thought u might say somethin different

[swordhardy]

Nah, but it'd be weird if you didn't

Disappointed?

[pushpin]

a lil
but theres plenty u dont talk about
even as simple as u are
& thats fine

[swordhardy]

( there's a brief moment where he considers telling him that he's not asking the right questions; as honest as he is he plays that game, too, secrets having lost their luster when everything else in his chest has dulled.

but it's fluid, his decision not to bother. if he really wants to ask questions he can—it's more interesting to see what he'll do on his own rather than guide him. Rokurou's never been a guiding force; that almost seems too positive. that's always been a different brother's role.

ask a war daemon why he likes to fight and of course he's going to say it's fun. if he was gonna get a tatto on his ass, damn straight it'd be i came out to attack people and i'm having such a good time right now. )

Can I ask you something, then?

[pushpin]

if u gotta

[it's not the first time he's realized those words make him uncomfortable -- as honest as he is about what's on the surface, he hates turning over the dirt to expose roots (it's the same, the daemon'll find, when he treads far too carefully around getting his hands dirty in other peoples' problems)]

[but Rokurou's been fair to him, so there's no need to flip him off right away]

[swordhardy]

No, I don't have to, so I guess I won't then

So when are you going to make bao? I want some of that

( even if he's curious as to whether or not beansprout likes to ask so many personal questions of everyone, it doesn't actually matter. if he's looking for something, Rokurou seriously doubts he's going to find it here—there're plenty of better guys who haven't fucked up so many times that can give pretty and eleoquent answers to hard questions. )

[pushpin]

well now its gonna bug me
whats a matter, u pussyfootin ?

[yeah don't think you're getting away with that.]

[swordhardy]

( w o w )

It's not like I'm dying to know, but okay

You ask everyone this kind of stuff?

[pushpin]

huh ?
whatcha mean

[...doesn't want to make a weird assumption and get it completely wrong; he's had enough embarrassment for one night]

[swordhardy]

( apparently not, he asked for this!!! )

What I said

You ask everyone questions like this? You asked a lot before, too

[pushpin]

ur asking if ur somehow special ?

[look, he will absolutely try to turn the embarrassment on Rokurou... not that it'll be very effective, probably....]

[swordhardy]

No, just what I asked before

( it's a valiant effort.... )

[pushpin]

[the sudden care with which he tries to choose his words might be palpable, words tentative, as if he's trying not to give something away -- but he's not much of a liar or a politician]

there are a lot of people here from a lot of different places
i get curious

[except he hasn't asked Rokurou much about his world, has he?]

ur not like most of em
idk if its bcoz ur..... not human anymore or what but
i felt like it woulda been the same then too

[swordhardy]

Yeah?

Well, it's not like I mind you being curious or anything

You're a funny guy, beansprout

[pushpin]

ok 1st a all why the fuck am i funny
2nd a all dont call me that

[swordhardy]

It's not a bad thing. Other people usually avoid asking me questions

What should I call you then?

[pushpin]

bcoz theyre afraid a u ?

my name ???

[swordhardy]

That's probably one reason

Guanshan??